Assignment 1 - Formal Letter
Subject: A Self-Introduction Letter
Dear Prof Blackstone,
My name is Eryn Ngai En Ning and I am writing this introductory letter that I hope allows you to get to know me better. I am a recent Integrated Facility Management (IFM) graduate from Temasek Polytechnic. Prior to entering Temasek Polytechnic, I have always been interested in business and had the intention to pursue a diploma in Accountancy. As I did not do well for my O'levels, I had to look for other alternatives. I came across IFM and decided to give a try as the modules seemed interesting. Modules such as Facilities Operation and Maintenance and Fire Safety Management made me realise that I am someone who is more interested in operations and maintenance. My interest has allowed me to embark on this journey to pursue a degree in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering.
One communication strength that I possess is being a good listener. I am always willing to lend my listening ear to my friends and family. For example, during group meetings there are bound to have disagreements. I tend to talk to them privately and listen to their opinions before voicing out mine. This is to allow misunderstanding to be solved and we can carry on with our projects.
On the other hand, my communication weakness is having the fear of speaking publicly. Since I started my journey in polytechnic, it was common to do presentations in front of the class. My fear in doing so has resulted in having mental blocks while presenting, causing me to stammer and forget my words.
My two goals that I hope to achieve for this module is to improve my presentation skills and be less fearful of the audience. By improving these skills, the skills will aid me throughout my journey in SIT and when I enter into the workforce. I look forward to having a great time in your class as well as learning from you.
I think what differentiates me from others is that I am better at hand-on lessons than theory-based lessons. Throughout my journey in polytechnic, I came to realize that I can understand the module better when I do practical. I did not do very well as I struggled in modules which are heavy in content.
Thank you for taking your time to read through my letter.
Best Regards,
Eryn Ngai
Revised 29/09/2020
The content is fulfilled, the organization is there and the language use can be improved in some parts that have grammar error.
ReplyDeleteHi Carely, may I know where the grammar errors are?
DeleteHi Eryn, besides some grammatical errors in your essay, perhaps you could also include what differentiates you from others.
ReplyDeleteHi Bernice, thank you for pointing out that I missed out the part on differentiating myself from others. May I know where are the grammatical errors in my essay?
DeleteHi Eryn,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your letter, most of the content is there except you have missed out what differentiates you from others like what Bernice commented. Other then that i think that through this letter, it made me get to know you more as my classmate.
Hi Yume, thank you for pointing out my errors.
DeleteHello Eryn,
ReplyDeleteIt was a pleasure reading your letter and I feel that I have known you better after this. I am also surprised that we were from the same diploma! It is a well written post but I noticed a few pointers which you can improve on.
Regarding content, other than what both Yume and Bernice had pointed out, you have fulfilled the rest of the requirements, and it was written well and properly elaborated. Perhaps, you can improve it further with a closing paragraph.
Regarding organization, I feel that you have achieved the 7Cs of communication well, and the letter is clear and concise. I find the paragraph regarding your strength stands out. It has strong display of the element of concrete and concise in it.
Lastly, for language, I feel that there are too much capitalization of terms in this letter. I feel that maybe you can generalize some of the modules like, saying " accountancy diploma" , "fire safety module", to reduce the number of caps. However, it is just my opinion, but other than that it is all fine and I don't see any obvious language errors.
Hope this helps! And hope to learn about you more in class!!
Cheers,
JY
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Eryn,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this self-introduction letter. In your letter, you have elaborate well the contents of the formal letter by sharing about your educational background, interest in engineering, one of the communication strength and weakness, two goals that you want to achieve in this module but is missing out on what differentiates you from other. Hopefully you will be able to add it in the revised version.
Regarding the organization of your letter, the flow of the letter is smooth as you have the introduction paragraph, body paragraph with a comparison of your communication strength and weakness but is missing out on a conclusion paragraph. I like how you paragraph them nicely and appropriately to allow the reader an easy time reading it.
This letter gives me an opportunity to know and understand you better. Hope to see you being more active in class participation!
Regards,
Louis
Dear Eryn,
ReplyDeleteThanks much for this generally clear, concise and detailed letter. As your classmates have said, we learn a lot about you in it. I do have one question related to this sentence: "For example, during group meetings they are bound to have disagreements." Does they refer to family or friends, or classmate peers? The use of 'they' seems vague
In terms of language use, there are a few other areas to take note of:
1. Caps (see this website: https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization )
2. sentence structure
-- By improving these skills, it will aid me throughout my journey in SIT and when I enter into the workforce. > Who is 'improving these sklills'? It?
I look forward to learning more about you this term. As Louis has written, we hope to hear more form you this term.
Cheers,
Brad